Duchovny has read a script!
Duchovny has read a script!
Duchovny has read a script!

I’m sorry, that’s my inner fangirl exploding. The long delayed X-Files 2 is one step closer to coming to fruition. David Duchovny recently told Access Hollywood that he has read the script, penned by Chris Carter and Frank Spotnitz. When asked for details, Duchovny would only reveal that it was a dark and scary stand alone.

I have one goal in the next year, and that is getting my hands on this script. It will happen. It will!

Popularity: 77% [?]

After last week’s pilot aired, bloggers and critics alike turned on Californication. Will they be any nicer after tonight’s inaugural episode? I doubt it. Even I didn’t warm to this one. And I loved the pilot. Californication’s main weakness is that it’s brash just to be brash. Any chance it has to get a woman naked, it takes. And after this glorious episode I now have the image of Hank having sex with a scientologist, followed by mutual vomiting. Thanks for that Californication!

It’s not all bad. There’s one guaranteed way to make me not hate a show, hire Lucy Davis. It doesn’t fail, she’s just that awesome. So congrats to the folks at Californication for realizing that she rocks and giving her a scene to be deliciously douchy as Hank’s potential editor at Hell-A. Unfortunately Californication needs more help than Lucy Davis can offer.

The allure that I saw in the pilot is long gone. There is absolutely no reason to feel empathetic towards Hank. The fact that he stands in front of a mirror and calls himself a douche doesn’t make me feel for him. Sure, he hates himself, but he never does anything to dig himself out of the whole that’s become his life. Instead he just keeps digging deeper and deeper. Californication relies too much on Duchovny. He’s a great actor, but he can’t carry the show entirely on his own. The other characters need some depth, some back story. While we learned the circumstances in which Karen cheated on Hank, we really don’t know why. The most negative thing that I can say is that I really don’t care why. I don’t care about these characters or their circumstances.Hopefully the next few episodes will get me, otherwise I may have to bail. Especially next month when the fall season kicks into gear.Until next week, I leave you with this: Vaginal rejuvenation.

Popularity: 100% [?]

Produced by Judd Apatow.
John C. Reilly. Singing.
Jenna Fischer in a leading role.
Jack White as Elvis.
Johnny Cash parody.

Excited yet? If not, you probably shouldn’t watch the trailer for Walk Hard:

Popularity: 14% [?]

Two things that I love are watching television and screwing with my friends. So when an opportunity presents itself to do both, well, that’s a good day. The folks at FX in the UK have created a nifty viral marketing tool for Dexter, where you type in some basic information and your friend’s email and suddenly they’re getting a video death wish from Dexter. I took it upon myself to send said video to my friend John, a few hours later he replied simply with the following:

RE: This is really weird.

You’re fucked Diana…FUCKED.

Mission accomplished? I think so. To freak your friends out, head over to Icetruck.tv.

Popularity: 21% [?]

The Botwin’s are back and oh are they screwed. Last time we saw Nancy Botwin she was being held at gunpoint by rival gangs and her drugs had been stolen by her son. Oh, her husband was also murdered by said gangs, and her other son was kidnapped by a woman on the run from an Eskimo, named Abumchuck. The crew at Weeds really knows how to write em.

At the end of the premiere episode Nancy surprisingly finds herself even more screwed than she was in the finale. Why you ask? Well, Celia found the drugs in the trunk of Silas’ car. Uh oh. And Celia being the moral authority that she is, put all the drugs into the pool, therefore pretty much guaranteeing Nancy’s head on a platter to U-Turn. Don’t you just love Celia? Seriously, the woman is gold!

I’ve found over the course of two seasons that I could not care less about Silas. I understand how he has to be there to illuminate Nancy’s home-life, but I feel like Andy and Shane do that more effectively. At least they provide comic relief. Because of that, I don’t care what happens to Silas, especially since he’s such a one dimensional character. I’m really dreading the moment when the Olsen twin shows up as his love interest this season. At least deaf Megan knew how to use a can of spray paint.

Popularity: 35% [?]

When I first saw The Nine, I was worried about one thing, how would the show make it work in subsequent seasons, since the premise revolved around one event so heavily? Never did I think that the show wouldn’t make it past its first season, in fact, quite the opposite. I was convinced that it was in it for the long haul, after all, it was the best pilot I had seen in years. Not even the pilot of Lost had me as excited and exhilarated as the pilot of The Nine. I watched it three times before it premiered on ABC. I wasn’t the only one that loved it, the critics agreed, it was going to be a surefire hit.

Of course in hindsight we now know how wrong we were, The Nine made it 7 episodes before ABC took it off the air. And we all thought that that was that, until recently when ABC announced that it was going to run off the remaining episodes of the show, back on Wednesdays, the night where it crashed and burned.

It’s been a long time since I watched an episode of The Nine, but the latest episode did nothing but reaffirm my love for the show. It was almost entirely about what happened in the bank, particularly to Jeremy and what caused him to run away from Lizzie. It was a near flawless episode. My only complaint is that Kim Raver’s hair is so damn distracting, seriously, long and straight is not a good look for her.

I’m watching the show now with a different perspective, a perspective knowing that the end is near, and that it will come without any resolution. We’ll never truly know what happened inside the bank, what changed everyone so much, but does that really matter? With a show as good as The Nine, fans should cherish the remaining episodes, as they’re probably going to be some of the best television of 2007. Sure, we’ll never get the answers we’re dying to know, but at least we’ll get more time with the characters we grew to love and the mystery that we embraced.

Tune in tonight at 10/9c on ABC to see one of the few remaining episodes.

Popularity: 29% [?]

I need to apologize for what I’m about to do, I feel guilty about it, so guilty. Ladies and gentlemen, I just watched the trailer for The Return of Jezebel James and it looked awful. Everything about it looked bad. The worst part(aside from the laugh track)? The dialogue didn’t work. Palladino’s dialogue didn’t work. I just…I’m speechless…

I feel dirty. In one short paragraph I just bashed Parker Posey, Lauren Ambrose and of course, Amy Sherman Palladino. I never thought this day would come. But if FOX can’t make the show look good for two minutes, there is a serious problem. Judge for yourself with the trailer below:

Popularity: 19% [?]

I’ve spent the past year on a break from channel surfing. An unfortunate casualty of this has been TLC, particularly, What Not to Wear. Today I found myself sitting in front of the television for two episodes and it re-ignited a love, or should I say obsession with the show. If today had been a What Not to Wear marathon, I’d still be in front of my television. I couldn’t help but think about the reasons why I love What Not to Wear, and then it was only natural to put them in list form:

It’s kind of cruel:
Sure, we always see the people jumping up and down happily because they’ve now got 5000 bucks and two personal stylists. But think about it, their friends and family are essentially saying, ‘you’re too ugly to hang with us. Fix it or you’re banned.’ But the show makes it all cutesy, rarely do you see the person who just goes batshit because their friends and family won’t accept them as the ugly person they are.

The Streak:
There’s something both mysterious and intriguing about Stacey’s white hair streak. It’s not the fact that she has one, it’s that she has the skills to rock it so hard. It makes her stand out, obviously the point, but it also makes her look like kind of a bad ass. Sure Stacey’s nice to people every week, but she’s definitely not
someone I’d want to cut in line in front of at a Monolo sample sale. You know she’d cut you.

Carmody’s So Damn Nice:
Seriously, she just is. If I had a billion bucks she’d be my personal make up artist. She’s never mean, even if she’s got a face uglier than an Extreme Makeover candidate to work with. Sometimes, I wonder how she pulls it off. I’m convinced she’s a magician first, and an artist second.

It’s heartfelt:
I don’t care who you are, if you’re not a little misty eyed by the end of each episode, you’re a monster. You are. Black black heart.

I have to go, I just discovered the What Not to Wear podcasts. I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.

Popularity: 28% [?]

Creepy owl? Check.
Serial killer modelled after a Blue Man? Check.
Identical twins? Check.
Stigmata? Check.
Plot that was obviously created in the editing room? Check.

What do all these things have in common? They’re the driving forces behind Lindsay Lohan’s new ‘movie’, I Know Who Killed Me. What went through Lindsay’s mind as she was reading this script, I can only guess. As I was walking out of the theatre, I posed the question to friends, ‘Do you think she’s illiterate? That may explain this.’ Ultimately, we agreed that the crack decided it for her.

Did the crack make the right move? I Know Who Killed Me, is quite possibly the worst movie I have ever seen. I however have a tendency to really enjoy bad movies, so do my friends, so the word incredible was thrown around.

Lohan stars as Aubrey Fleming, a smart, upper-class teen who is kidnapped and tortured by a serial killer. After her mangled, limbless but still alive body is discovered, she awakes in the hospital and announces that she’s not Aubrey, but a stripper named Dakota Moss. The rest of the film follows Dakota as she tries to get people to believe that she’s not Aubrey, and ultimately her hunt for the person that is still holding Aubrey hostage. Did I forget to mention the part where Dakota’s limbs rot and fall off at random? I’d try to explain it further, but I really can’t.

Director Chris Silverman is a firm believer of the cut it off on screen rather than off screen method.  Unfortunately the script, written by Jeff Hammond has no sense of humor or underlying meaning, therefore the gore came off as disgusting and pointless. Eli Roth may be a mad man, but at least he’s self-aware.  Add poor production values and a cast that’s obviously just there for a check and you’ve got yourself a movie that will be remembered in a decade as the one that killed the career of the cute red head from Mean Girls.  Unless Lohan beats the movie to it with her off screen activities.

The best part? After the brutal amputations, my friends and I started playing, ’spot the leg.’  What’s spot the leg?  It was our hysterical search for Lindsay’s real leg, under her prosthetic.  Oh, and did we find it.  So many times!  Other highlights: the bra that kept disappearing and reappearing, and the prosthetic arm that changed sides.  If you love bad movies then you must see I Know Who Killed Me.  The audience I saw it with started off serious, but eventually ended up laughing harder than the crowd I was with at The Simpsons.  Whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing, is up to you.

Popularity: 14% [?]