All it took was four words to make me realize Hamlet2 could possibly be the best movie of the year, save that, best movie ever. Not only does it feature Amy Poeler as a civil rights lawyer named Cricket Feldstein, and a dancing Jesus, but it has the audacity to ‘reintroduce’ Elizabeth Shue, the goddess of such 80’s classics as Adventures in Babysitting and Cocktail. I love any movie that openly has an actor admitting that their career has been a total failure, and with that, I present to you the red-band trailer of Hamlet2, the greatest movie ever made:

And if for some reason you don’t remember the awesomeness that was Elizabeth Shue, please indulge me and watch what I consider to be her finest career achievement:

Popularity: 74% [?]

Produced by Judd Apatow.
John C. Reilly. Singing.
Jenna Fischer in a leading role.
Jack White as Elvis.
Johnny Cash parody.

Excited yet? If not, you probably shouldn’t watch the trailer for Walk Hard:

Popularity: 14% [?]

Creepy owl? Check.
Serial killer modelled after a Blue Man? Check.
Identical twins? Check.
Stigmata? Check.
Plot that was obviously created in the editing room? Check.

What do all these things have in common? They’re the driving forces behind Lindsay Lohan’s new ‘movie’, I Know Who Killed Me. What went through Lindsay’s mind as she was reading this script, I can only guess. As I was walking out of the theatre, I posed the question to friends, ‘Do you think she’s illiterate? That may explain this.’ Ultimately, we agreed that the crack decided it for her.

Did the crack make the right move? I Know Who Killed Me, is quite possibly the worst movie I have ever seen. I however have a tendency to really enjoy bad movies, so do my friends, so the word incredible was thrown around.

Lohan stars as Aubrey Fleming, a smart, upper-class teen who is kidnapped and tortured by a serial killer. After her mangled, limbless but still alive body is discovered, she awakes in the hospital and announces that she’s not Aubrey, but a stripper named Dakota Moss. The rest of the film follows Dakota as she tries to get people to believe that she’s not Aubrey, and ultimately her hunt for the person that is still holding Aubrey hostage. Did I forget to mention the part where Dakota’s limbs rot and fall off at random? I’d try to explain it further, but I really can’t.

Director Chris Silverman is a firm believer of the cut it off on screen rather than off screen method.  Unfortunately the script, written by Jeff Hammond has no sense of humor or underlying meaning, therefore the gore came off as disgusting and pointless. Eli Roth may be a mad man, but at least he’s self-aware.  Add poor production values and a cast that’s obviously just there for a check and you’ve got yourself a movie that will be remembered in a decade as the one that killed the career of the cute red head from Mean Girls.  Unless Lohan beats the movie to it with her off screen activities.

The best part? After the brutal amputations, my friends and I started playing, ’spot the leg.’  What’s spot the leg?  It was our hysterical search for Lindsay’s real leg, under her prosthetic.  Oh, and did we find it.  So many times!  Other highlights: the bra that kept disappearing and reappearing, and the prosthetic arm that changed sides.  If you love bad movies then you must see I Know Who Killed Me.  The audience I saw it with started off serious, but eventually ended up laughing harder than the crowd I was with at The Simpsons.  Whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing, is up to you.

Popularity: 14% [?]

Lets count the reasons why this one’s gonna suck, shall we?
1. Jessica Simpson.
2. It looks like it was shot on mini-dv.
3. Jessica Simpson.
4. The production company wouldn’t even splurge for one of ‘trailer voiceover‘ guys.
5. Jessica Simpson.
6. Andy Dick.
7. Did I mention Jessica Simpson?Via: WWTDD

Popularity: 7% [?]

I love the Brits. They make me chuckle. They have also made the new Dirty Dancing musical the most popular pre-sold musical in history. First the Spice Girls, now this.

That being said this BBC News article about Dirty Dancing being ‘The Star Wars for girls’ completely resonates with me. I own the special edition 2 disc DVD of the movie and I’m proud of it. I discovered Dirty Dancing on TBS when I was a kid and have been in love ever since. It’s corny, it’s tacky and it’s perfect. You find me a girl who doesn’t know where the line ‘Noboday puts Baby in a corner’ comes from and I’ll be shocked. It’s one of those craptastic 80’s moments that’s up there with anything John Hughes produced. While I wouldn’t say it’s Star Wars for girls(because duh, that’s Star Wars), I’d probably say it’s The Godfather for girls.

The article got me thinking about other delightfully cheesy romances that I can’t resist. I’m incapable of doing a Top 5 because ranking this movies would be much too difficult. Without further ado:
Read more »

Popularity: 9% [?]

Here’s the thing about Snakes on a Plane, it’s only as good as the theatre and company you see it with.  Snakes is a B movie.  It’s something worthy of a drive in in the 60’s.  I loved it, my friends loved it, everyone in my theatre loved it.  People were screaming, cheering and throwing plastic snakes at the screen at key scenes.  Snakes is badly written, cheaply made, but it is what it is.  If you go to Snakes on a Plane not open to the idea of Snakes on a Plane you’ll hate it.  If you’re going with a few buddies, looking to have a good laugh and enjoy some funny deaths, you’ll have fun.

I loved Snakes so much it’s not funny.  It truly was the best time I’d ever had in a movie theatre.  20 of my friends came, we got two rows in the centre mostly to ourselves.  We all spent way too much on pop and popcorn and loved it.  It was a great time.

Popularity: 5% [?]